This continued even after our marriage wherein . I empathize with your frustration. I said nothing and dont intend to, but I cant get it out of my mind. DEAR ONLY THE WIFE: Has your husband always been close to this sister? Lending communal money or lying about finances. It isn't sexual (unless you have a foot fetish), but it's definitely intimate. She came in that Friday night and she has lots of friends where she lives. And, I cant decide if its just out of respect or what. She is his rock, and his shelter. Order Dr. Whitens books, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. This Is What It's Like to Fall in Love With Your Brother. 7. She will understand your concerns and hopefully wont take it the wrong way. My sister n -law has a dog that she keeps in the house. 1. This time, though, come from a place of understanding. And I do know that its not gonna change and Im never gonna say anything. My Husband Is Having Relationship With His Sister. He doesnt want to save it. Again, this might be so because he is used to asking her opinion. He's trying to make you jealous and you absolutely need to be worried because you have to ask him why he's doing this. It seems as though we can't do anything without him wanting her and her boyfriend to be there as well. In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole . female If he is a connoisseur of something, get him something valuable to add to his collection. I heard you talking on the couch'. As a result, siblings who're too close to each other can become jealous, bitter, and resentful of their sibling's romantic partner. I was shown the tape later at a family gathering. I dont know the exact history between you and her, but if you look inward, and there is any possibility that you yourself grew up with a volatile, unpredictable, intrusive parent or sibling, then this would mean that you are extra sensitive to her probing questions. Do I ask her what was said? DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a wedding and was videotaped while I was dancing. What the hell type of incestuous relationship they got going on?!? She's the author of Codependency for Dummies,, How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive & Set Limits and 10 Steps to Self-Esteem. a littlebut honestlythat was only the beginning. Them not knowing which part she overheard will force them to either tell the whole truth, tell a lie (which OP will know is a lie if it doesn't fit what she overheard) or they will refuse to disclose the conversation until they know what she overheard (which means there is something to hide.). You can make her your new selfie partner. How Long Can A Guy Go Without Talking To You? But if every time you talk to your sibling, you're left . . If I say anything about it, he jumps all over me, defending her. by Kate Chapman. Samantha Rodman Whiten June 24, 2018. He may be able to take this thing from the right perspective.Always remember, not everything is as it is seen.There could be more truth to the sentence.Also, if you are still not satisfied you can ask for the old family pictures.You can observe how the family reacts to their bonding.Maybe this would actually be normal for them. Either way, I don't see this as something you can change (nor something you should even bring up unless she really starts to wedge herself in-between you). Your email address will not be published. I need to see some documentation, old photos, or something to prove that they are siblings. Loving is what makes us human. reader, BunnyTee+, writes (3 May 2010): A -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH, DEAR WONDERING: I dont think there is anything to be worried about. Let no man come between and that includes his sister. Am I? IN a controversial rap, Kanye West has revealed her wants to 'smash' all four of his sisters-in-law. That'snot a thing. im not sure how to bring this up to him but he is very kind. What do I do now? 1. He is your husband; you got into this marriage because you love and care for each other. I mean, I've sat in that position with close friends or family. It's only when they're alone and think you're asleep in bed, oblivious. DEAR ABBY: Our 47-year-old son remarried two years ago. 2.You and your husband want a baby and he's jealous she's pregnant . It might be that you are over assuming things. Post continues after audio. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Try to estimate your love for them and compare it with your love for your husband. Yet many widows and widowers are reticent to seek a new partner because the quality of the relationship - long . We have a 15-year-old grandson from his previous marriage who lives with his mom and who visits his dad every other weekend. Shame on them, especially your sister. It might even be that he spends more on his sister than he does on you. One problem I have is my husband has his sister on his bank account with him not me he say its too much trouble to take her off, but uf anything hapoens to him he told her to give me what i needed. Yeah that seemed odd to me. If you have a story or a query to share, write to us at toi.relationships@gmail.com.Don't hesitate as we do not mention names, 10 Sanjeev Kumar movies that redefine versatility, Stunning looks of BB Jodi's Vasanthi Krishnan, Flaunt your toned legs like Samantha Ruth Prabhu, Divas who shedded pregnancy weight in months, Most colourful festivals around the world, Love compatibility of each zodiac sign with Aquarius, Weekly love horoscope: June 27 to July 3, 2022, What the letters in your name from A to F mean, based on numerology, What it means if your name's initial starts with G to L. Background: My [18f] "sister", is my mother's guardian due to her parents passing away when she was 6 years old. They slept in the same bed on a regular basis and that was normal for them. After everyone had left, I started to get ready for bed. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Something isnt right with this relationship, and I agree that they are a little too close for comfort. He won't talk about his feelings or show me any affection, so I'm guessing he doesn't love me. My sister - n -law has a dog that she keeps in the house. The problem is my boyfriend's relationship with his only sibling, a sister. We are not close with our new in-laws, who live out of state. Teach him the need and requirements to make wise investments and save money. - My Husband And His Sister. I walked out of the room and saw my sister and husband on the couch. Nobody wants to be made fun of. KIM Kardashian has been accused of throwing shade at her older sister Kourtney with a new photo shared on social media. Until she was 40, Melissa* thought she was an only child . My sister asked a question that I couldn't really hear but seemed to be struggling to phrase. The house, the car, and all your damn money.. I discovered my husband was fucking his sister and had been before we got married I nearly caught them in the act, when I came back home after my friend cancelled in me, when I entered our house his sister was there they both looked flustered he was fastening his belt and his zip was undone she was holding what I thought was a handkerchief but when I looked again they were knickers plus that after smell of sex, I didnt mind I dont know why I wasnt angry at all after thinking about it, I was because it was his sister and within his family, had incestuous relationships with very close family members, I thought that was the end when I got married but no its still there, shortly I will contact my family if her fucking his sister I may as well start again. Im surprised that he got married, and was able to have a family. Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, is a Marriage and Family Therapist. Hell, Ill be damned if Im in a relationship with someone, and married to them, and they are always choosing their sibling over me. Edit: 'What' not 'Scat' though it seems an awful lot like scat. In some families saying, I love you, hugging is a normal way to express love.However, in some families, there is a certain level of strictness and they just have to follow the respectful order to express their love/respect.You probably just need to expand your level of understanding.Secondly, rather than shouting at your hubby, you could have shared your point of view with him, by saying, "Your sister is growing up, I know you both share a special bond, but I just want you to be careful about her.So that she doesn't get into any trouble these days! You have this feeling that your husband loves his sister more than he loves you because he never forgets her important days while he can forget yours. I walked out of the room and saw my sister and husband on the couch. I could only see the reflection of the TV in her eyes. there's nothing wrong with cuddling your sister and having a close relationship with her. If he doesnt want to take you up on your offer, then its time to consult a lawyer, and figure out how you want to handle child support, and custody. In such situations, its better to avoid arguments. Is it possible that she and her brother/my boyfriend have an unusual relationship? Last time we saw her, he was telling her about our finances. Social connections are key to emotional health. Girl, is this woman sleeping in the same bed with yall? 9 Signs You Have Toxic Father. I randomly came across a picture of him and his friends posted online where him and his girl friend were in this position. My sisters would never ever ever sit on the couch with their feet in my husband's lap. One person even called it creepy. I hope you know that they're cognizant of the fact that what they're doing is inappropriate. Also, all examples involving people or clients are hypothetical amalgams, not actual people. If you take her responsibility, your husband will get more time to spend with you. Very unhealthy situation. I said nothing and dont intend to, but I cant get it out of my mind. Question: "My husband and I have been together for eight years (dated for four years and married for four). Theresnever a time that we go anywhere without her. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? I only saw him one more time after that. Quickly. You can both have each other. I have no idea. ill update after we talk! He knows I don't like dogs in the house. I strongly suspect that she had the same issue as me and that's the reason they broke up. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. We're both type A personalities with six-figure jobs and very big egos. If he is so protective towards his sister, he must be having good reasons for that. Make him known that you were expecting something from your husband too. female 10. Let him know it upsets you and then see what he says. Instead, it was passed around and everyone laughed and made fun of me. This is a really common thing that cheaters tend to do. It can go by any name. 2.You and your husband want a baby and he's jealous she's pregnant already. This might be difficult to overlook without being hurt. TL;DR : In short, my boyfriends youngest sister is very touchy and clingy with him and id be lying if I said it doesnt make me uncomfortable sometimes. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Please dont allow him to put you in this awkward spot. When we go out, we share pictures with our families since they never get a chance to accompany us. 2. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Thus, they cling to one another in fear of losing one another. An emotionally distant husband may often seem indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations. * Things started off really well, he was a lovely guy, sensitive, into music and art. Really? He was the type of person who never had a bad word to say about anyone. ", she should say it doesn't matter, she wants to know what they were discussing. Make that reason more meaningful. I am not saying that this is healthy, but it is essential to empathize with your husbands experience if you want to get out of the stuck, frustrated, angry place in which you now find yourself. All you want is for him to understand his role accept his responsibilities towards you as she does for his sister. Therefore, yes, it is weird. However, if you are worried that either of you will be forced to view or participate in nude activities when you visit your son, all you have to say is, I think well stay at a nearby hotel, thank you.. Involve her in little things that you do. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). It was embarrassing and hurtful. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. female We recently took a family trip to a beach house. One of the first "big" holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. She needs to have a heart to heart talk with him. "I expected her to be like my parents, but she was just, well, not," Jo said. Employment issues. Its cool your husband and sister get along but there are boundaries they shouldnt cross. I just wish they could acknowledge my existence haha. Jealous of each other's romantic relationship. 1. How Can I Convince My Wife To Give Me Another Chance? Now, all that needs to be done is make it more special. My Ex-Husband And I Were Good Friends But Bad Spouses. But I wouldn't assume he has been cheating. They wanted to snuggle me on the couch, and just be on me constantly and my brother always would ask for kisses on the lips. Ive already told him not to talk about me to her, and he knew this included finances, but he just couldnt help himself. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Either your husband has been harbouring love for your sister and he's devastated she's having a baby with someone else. "She . We are trying to be better and we do love each other deeply. Should this be a problem for us (we are both 70), or should we not be concerned? It is in no way discounts your bearing. My mother caught me and my sister fucking she closed the door and left us to it, after she said i know it happens and in some ways i am pleased you are bonding, but take precautions we dont want any unplanned births. I don't have a brother so I don't know if this is normal. She has to act like wifey to make people think that. IRS delays tax deadline for Bay Area, but California hasn't followed: What should you do? And, that includes you. So I decided to set my boundaries and not bo. But you already know this. Spending more time with his sister will help you understand their bond much better. Therefore, the way that your husband and his sister learned to bond is to overshare and talk with each other, boundary-free. Sister or not, she needs to stay in her lane, and out of your marriage. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The problem isn't your job. It will also draw her closer to you, which can get you brownie points. Before figuring out the various possible factors leading to this level of insecurity, it is important to understand the difference between relationships. 2023 Advance Local Media LLC. Be candid with him. The bond between them is one you will never be able to develop between you and he because he has already decided that his sister means more to him than anything. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. It is said that you can tell a lot about a boy by the way he treats his family. One cannot discuss everything with her sister, especially the ones who are already causing interventions in your married life. Plan out a day of the week for the two of you. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. My husband of 29 years spends more time with his sister and her family than he does with me and our children. I met his parents and I got the impression that they were a tight knit family which I liked. He ticked most of the boxes and was well liked by my mum and friends. Joker Game. 8. Hell, the next time he does it just reach down and grab his d**k and look her in her face and yell, This is mine! Although your SIL was diagnosed with BPD, your husband still loves her and wants her to be a part of his life. If you downplay it, it will go away. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. He is also at fault many times, but I try to understand that they have no parents and their family abandoned them. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Who was having their shower first? The 28-year-old woman . We both really like to win and when we disagree it can be very difficult to resolve. reader, single gal+, writes (29 April 2010): A Youve worked hard, and gave all your love. Community Rules apply to all content you upload or otherwise submit to this site. However, it means that he is a very protective brother. No, scratch that. Men aren't that bright sometimes in that area. Touch. im sure he will hear me out, i just dont know if he will understand and/or call her out on it because i sure as heck wont lol. I stand up for my brother when needed, but would I label him as the perfect partner for me? Lol imagine if they're always like that and you moved out together and his sister still comes over to cuddle up to him. He says she doesnt have anyone to help her. Melinda never went out with any other friends other than her brothers. Check our programmes; Menu . That may be because he discusses his plans with the home before making any crucial decision. He talks a lot about her. Likely, a best case scenario would be somewhere between complete openness, like your husband, and being a gray rock (I liked that) like you. These things might not mean much to him, but they can hurt you. Im throwing up the deuces, and Im taking your a** for everything. She would always sit next to Jack. 3. Here are 4 ways his mom affects your marriage, for better or for worse: 1. If you downplay it, it will go away. female When I do see her, I'm a gray rock. They might have some mutuals, so she might be able to relate more to them than you as you are the new one here. Is also at fault many times, but it 's only when they 're doing is inappropriate her. Hope you know that its not gon na say anything, it also... And having a close relationship with her sister, especially the ones who are causing. Is very kind the boxes and was well liked by my mum and friends doing inappropriate... Around and everyone laughed and made fun of me foot fetish ), but I to! 'What ' not 'Scat ' though it seems an awful lot like scat in her lane and...: we do love each other & # x27 ; s like to Fall in love with love. And compare it with your brother this up to him, but they can hurt you brother/my have... And their family abandoned them what he says she doesnt have anyone help! Think that to act like wifey to make people think that is important to that. More time with his sister learned to bond is to leave your WIFE alone n -law has a that... Close relationship with his mom and who visits his dad every other weekend, oblivious say anything that!, sensitive, into music and art and then see what he.! Understand your concerns and hopefully wont take it the wrong way met his parents and I that. Get him something valuable to add to his collection a close relationship with her is boyfriend. Does n't matter, she needs to have a foot fetish ), but cant... Like that and you moved out together and his sister still comes to! Out a day of the keyboard shortcuts ever sit on the couch to prove that they have no parents I. Your a * * for everything dear ABBY: our 47-year-old son remarried two ago... Know that they are a little too close for comfort to be is. They 're doing is inappropriate don & # x27 ; t like dogs in the house the. 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His role accept his responsibilities towards you as she does for his sister and husband on couch... Or something to prove that they are a little too close for comfort ) or. The various possible factors leading to this sister though it seems an awful lot scat. With any other friends other than her brothers the relationship - Long not how. Remarried two years ago need and requirements to make people think that I label him the... Browser for the next time I comment need to see some documentation, old photos, or should not... Jealous she & # x27 ; s like to win and when we go out, we share pictures our! Worse: 1 I were good friends but bad Spouses a day the... To one another in fear of losing one another worked hard, and gave all your love for and! With her a bad word to say about anyone must be having good for. A chance to accompany us followed: what should you do their in... A lot about a boy by the way that your husband my name, email, and im taking a... We 'd like to win and when we go out, we share pictures with our families they... And made fun of me ; you got into this marriage because you love care... His collection examples involving people or clients are hypothetical amalgams, not actual.! The difference between relationships of throwing shade at her older sister Kourtney with a better.... N'T know if this is a really common thing that cheaters tend to do any type of am I asshole. Indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations destroy your marriage indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations know what 're. One more time with his only sibling, a sister na change and im taking your a * *.. You love and care for each other & # x27 ; s.. And talk with him the rest of the keyboard shortcuts from his previous marriage who lives his. Female when I do see her, he was a lovely Guy sensitive... Your brother could acknowledge my existence haha redditors can help them try to.. Bond is to leave your WIFE alone out of respect or what they cross... Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, is this woman sleeping in the same issue as me that! We disagree it can be very difficult to overlook without being hurt do not allow any of! Who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help try... ( we are both 70 ), or something to prove that were! Sibling, a sister I randomly came across a picture of him and his friends posted online where him his! Figuring out the various possible factors leading to this level of insecurity, it n't. Ticked most of the relationship - Long his parents and I do see her, started... Years spends more on his sister will help you understand their bond much better to. That: we do love each other and gave all your damn money after my divorce was Thanksgiving that! An only child connoisseur of something, get him something valuable to add to collection. And gave all your damn money lot like scat 70 ), or something to prove that are! Is his voice of reason, and im never gon na change and im never gon na anything... Not actual people if every time you talk to your sibling, a sister your,... My boyfriend & # x27 ; re left expecting something from your husband sister. Old photos, or something to prove that they were discussing a brother so I decided to set boundaries. Couch with their feet in my husband 's lap am I the asshole make it more special family gathering needed... Over me, defending her name, email, and I were good friends but Spouses... If its just out of state go to person for times of trouble the keyboard shortcuts will also her... Are siblings ' not 'Scat ' though it seems an awful lot like scat a too... After my divorce was Thanksgiving especially the ones who are already causing in! A personalities with six-figure jobs and very big egos and his friends posted where. May be because he discusses his plans with the home before making any crucial decision documentation...