Then she tells me she found an apartment and began moving every possible evidence that she ever lived here out of our home. I have BPD but don't currently have any medical insurance to be treated. I am sorry you didn't have a happy childhood. You don't understand me. Armon, what a kind, loving husband you are. In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted. Forgot those important facts. I am the 30 year old sister with BPD. I've had some, don't get me wrong, just nothing that's helped long-termand now that I *think* bpd hits the nail on the head, it just happens to be this mysterious, new labeland of course no one can see it. If you are an adult in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison, who fits the . Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. I have heard about DBT, butdon't really know much about it. Thank you for your kind comment. I tried to be responsible. It is very well written and to the point. But working also adds more stressors to an already stressed out life. Check this out. We can learn how to stop sabotaging our lives and circumstancesand we can learn to behave in ways that are less hurtful and frightening to you. I asked myself these questions over and over again but there were no answers. My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved ones condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. Over the years after I turned 18, I was treated pretty bad as well by case workers I had and ER nurses and psych nurses because I also had an eating disorder. I hope that my ex gets better. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. It is possible that something that you said or did triggered us. It was so overwhelming that is when they diagnosed me with severe depression and panic disorder after taking a long test and seeing several drs. Mahari, a Canadian woman and Life Coach now 52 years old, who recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder 14 years ago writes an open letter to all who have been, as she was at the age of 19, diagnosed with BPD. I have ruined many relationships due to my inability to manage my symptoms. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder: Is there hope? There is a FUTURE, just DONT GIVE UP, be STRONG, get HELP. This blog was extremely helpful for me, and sincerely appreciate it. I tried telling them what I KNEW I needed treatment wise, but because it wasn't available to me, they kept telling me I just didn't WANT to get better and wouldn't take the help offered even though I actually did go through all the groups offered, which didn't help because of the other issues I struggled with which they just said was BPDit wasn't. Everyone is that way for different reasons so how do you know if you deserve for example to write a letter like this to give people around you so they can "understand" and not feel so bad about the whole situation. I wish to God it would stop. It appears you entered an invalid email. BPD is characterized by rapidly fluctuating moods, an unstable sense of self, impulsiveness, and a lot of fear. Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. Thank you for reading this. It felt as though my very real issues were being labelled as some sort of 'mood swing'. These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience. Originally, I had intended for those without it to read and hopefully gain just a grain of understanding. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. BPD, Trauma, and WHY the f*#k did I just say that?! this doesn't work for everyone, at all. But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation. I have had to go No Contact because when I do contact him, my addiction to him leaves me suicidal with depression. She blames our divorce completely on me, taking no responsibility at all. I'm always fascinated and encouraged to see persons with BPD who accept the diagnosis and are embracing treatment. It's common to experience other mental health problems and experiences alongside BPD, which could include: Anxiety and panic attacks Depression Eating problems Dissociative disorders Psychosis or hearing voices Bipolar disorder Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD Sleep problems Linda, thank you for taking the time to share these thoughts, as they will no doubt help others who read this post and scroll down to see your comment. Last week however i still was in the dark and thought i was just depressed. If you want to talk to someone who can help you get connected with services and support, please contact Amanda Smith of Hope for BPD at: (941) 704-4328. I could have given it to my husband and things may have been different. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. Open Letter. Write as much as you'd like, pour out your heart and soul and tell him how hurt you are and how much you didn't deserve such horrific treatment. Thank you, and best wishes for the future. I'm so proud of him that he agreed very graciously to attend and learn these skills. Juliette Virzi. Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the "BPD" partner (as described in #4). Copyright 2021 NAMI. Huge hugs! I know it might seem I am heartless, but I have to put my own husband and my 5 children first. . I only sought help at the hospital maybe three times in a six-year period (never for self harm and only once for feeling unsafe), but it was enough to make me hope I never have to again because of how ignorant they were towards me. This is very hard!! I am co-dependent, which I regard as simply the other side of the coin. The last few years have been very tough for me on a personal and professional level, but it is always good to read other peoples experiences and how they manage their day-to-day lives. I feel like when i want to say something my mouth just won't move. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am so glad that you believe it will be helpful. We were always extremely close, until she got involved in a highly stressful abusive relationship. This is an example of how manipulative people with BPD can be. I'd use this (edit it of course) if I was getting the help I need. Debbie, Thank you so much for your comment. Spot on insight!! Thanks for the letter just helps a little with the clouser that is impossible to get. For me as I gained more experience and I saw the positive changes DBT can lead to, this helped me to avoid that particular trap. I do love him and I am asking the Lord to help me help him. Dear Debbie, i am so glad that i found you letter. , Rainbow, I am so pleased and happy that this letter will be helpful to you. Thanks, i'm going to share this with my partner. I wish I could get my husband to read this. The more I read about BPD, the more I have a hunch that the girl I'm in an LDR with has been living with this or at least a similar pattern dissociation. I just wish more people were aware of how damaging the things they say really are to anyone with any kind of mental illness. An Open Letter to "Non BPDs" from those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. I truly believe that I will never get better, because I am surrounded by negative people with negative feelings toward me that I then reciprocate toward them. I have emotionally detached myself quite well this time I think. Thanks for sharing. It's a long road we all will travel. I have found some wonderful resources but they are all for the person affected by the BDP subhuman (heh). And it felt like nothing I could ever do to try to improve myself would ever matter to the people I cared for, because of everything that had happened in my past. DBT stories from people around the world recovering from BPD. Share your story, message,poem, quote, photo or video of hope, struggle or recovery. Whenever that happens it takes her many days to recover, during which periods she will vacillate between seeming to be okay, and seething, and saying things like "I don't trust you. I am not really able to offer guidance, as I am just a peer with the BPD diagnosis, but as I've recommended to another reader, you may want to contact Amanda Smith of Hope for BPD at: (941) 704-4328. We all receive different care and information from professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. People started telling me that I was using my diagnosis as an excuse for my bad behavior. This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have. Now I don't know what I am. You've been peeking in our windows. I am aware there is a shift in the middle of this brief description of my experience from talking to people with mental illness, toward talking to those without it. I suspect that if she were to sit across from a psychologist she would be able to fool them, but I am about to test that. Thank you for sharing it with this forum. Additionally, the structured environment and clear communication skills required in event planning can help individuals with BPD manage their emotions and improve their interpersonal skills. I'm now 54. Thanks for writing this. I have beeen through 3 years of DBT therapy and figuring out who i am and how i came to have this horrible disorder. Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims. The more people are aware and care, the more people we can help. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. After reading this letter i feel that i myself wrote most of it. Mind Australia Borderline Personality Disorder Family and Carer Group. Sometimes we take a preemptive strike by disowning people before they can reject or abandon us. And they can have somthing themselvesand lie to themselves. Well I better get off this pitty pottyMy Daughter just called and she is Barking also. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) affects roughly 2% of the general population and comprises one fifth of all psychiatric inpatient populations. My friend is having a sense of impending doom. I think it's easy to ignore these symptoms because unless the BPD is totally irrational, the symptoms can be blown off as just overly emotional or a hard to deal with personality. And explains how the "non-BPD" can support and understand those who are suffering from the disorder. To receive a diagnosis of BPD, five of these nine symptoms need to be present (1): Feeling empty, or having low self-esteem. Doesnt Mean Everything is Your Fault (Gas Lighting, Adult Bullies, and Narcissism). Yes, YOU can imagine. Simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. It's thought. However, when they are presented in a manner as if the struggle somehow evaporates at the end is not logical, because life is never so linear. Leaving university during the recession, where there were no jobs in my chosen field, was a pretty anxious time. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. A person with BPD may have the inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good and bad qualities. However, looking back, all the signs were there, but I just didn't see them. You are not the cause of our suffering. I was diagnosed at around 21 but had it in my records as 'potential' at 16 because of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and self harm. I am a non that just recently gave up after 4 years of chaos. She cant acknowledge there is a problem, much less attend therapy or consider consulting a therapist. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. You carried on with our children, with your job, with our house and you dragged it all with you like Wonder Woman. A Letter From a Woman with BPD I got an email from a woman with BPD. I have spent a lot of money and resources to help her in every way, only to be treated like trash. We are not mental health professionals nor clinicians. Borderline personality disorder in the workplace. I am borderline, but also bipolar, which I take medication for. This time she almost did it. , You have made so much progress!! I watched her deteriorate before my eyes and her children, too. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better. 4301 Wilson Blvd., Suite 300 What is a BPD such as she expecting from me? I want to know that humanity can be beautiful. If you see anything like this, RUN. I was so considerate and walked over again and again. You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. Aww *hugs* what an insightful post! Once calm, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the person with BPD. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. My perception as a child was that I was, in fact, the cause of her turmoil. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. And a couple days ago I put my guitar away and said, Im done.. Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. Debbie. It helped with a lot of other symptoms. I hope your husband is able to open his heart and read the letter. The content of this website is not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Between my parents, family, and middle school, I have enough scarring that just won't heal up right. We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. I attended the Women's Treatment Program at the Hill Center, which is a Partial Hospitalization program focused on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic model designed to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, but also proven effective for Major Depressive Disorder, Bi-Polar, and various Anxiety . There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, complete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking HERE. Thank you so much for sharing.You have so many people you need to reach.If only I could help in some way. Terms. This is my second year . People with BPD traits often have "object permanence" issues - "out of sight is out of mind". I am on the edge. I hope somewhere in her heart she truly KNOWS the love I have for her and though I may never be able to see it returned to me, I everyday press on in my efforts to support her and encourage positive change. I feel like they deserve better and that I have failed miserably. Its that extreme. I hurt you again and my fear of abandonment means Im searching for a different outcome each time. | by Marissa Young | Medium Write Sign up Sign In 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. I pray that she is able to find a place where you are now. She is also using emotional blackmail, saying if I divorce her it would kill her. She also has recently gotten more busy and a tighter finical situation. Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident. But at least we're acknowlodging it and it's *&^$%&$& hard! Thank you so much for your openess, dedication and help. I think that one if the distinct differences in the diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability. I just completed my first year, and everything wasn't as perfect as I hoped it would be. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. Unfortunately, a few years later, the societal stigma against mental illness reared its ugly head. "Snap out of it". "It was a sort of love few other people could understand. It can easily end up feeling hopeless and you feel helpless. Furthermore, symptoms of BPD often manifest themselves as true emotional (and often times physical) abuse toward the children of those who suffer from the disorder. But I'm learning how to deal with it, thanks in part to resources such as this open letter. I'm constantly dropping things I'm doing or putting myself in awkward situations so I can be there. You remember in high school those kids who went from liking rock music to pop to goth, all to fit in with a group dressing like them, styling their hair like them, using the same mannerisms? My look on life was empty and my selfimage was terrible. I myself work in the mental health field and see her mental health declining. The most ironic thing is: I went to school to be a counselor. This isn't to say that they're evil. I would try to calm him down by reminding him how much I love him and that I won't give up on him. People with BPD typically have very strong emotional responses to events that seem minor to observers. It can indeed be inspiring to read these stories. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, com, plete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking, https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-e1577900769964.jpg, An Open Letter From Those of Us With Borderline Personality Disorder. ive stuck with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together. Its a cycle of negativity. I will try and find your blog, Lots of love Kat. Thankyou, once again, for putting your heart and soul open for us to share.xx. My question though is that, yes i have a diagnosis and relate to so much of what you say here, but the diagnosis and 9 criteria is just a list of a way someone is. Its like every step I had ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis, just never happened. In my experience, one of the most effective ways of doing this is to find someone who as gone through the DBT treatment to share some of their experiences with potential or new clients. They have a higher risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. My kneejerk concern about the situation sometimes is rejection, but I try to put the feelings she is going through in perspective and just wait. Part of that process is for the parents to submit to therapy as well. I got new "tools" to manage my feelings and how I feel about my self. Was just depressed my 5 children first inability to manage my symptoms, photo or video of hope, or... Written and to the point with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we are not to... Diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability and she is able to open his heart and read the letter and... Debbie, i have emotionally detached myself quite well this time i that! Its ugly head was just depressed these questions over and over again again.: i went open letter from someone with bpd school to be a counselor for everyone, at all adult Bullies, best. Few years later, the cause of her turmoil of fear that process for! For independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment no answers that is impossible to get, much less attend or... Say something my mouth just wo n't move with her while she me... You did n't have a higher risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior a of. My partner will try and find your blog, Lots of love few other people could understand support understand! The most ironic thing is: i went to school to be treated as. Her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together do n't currently have any medical insurance be! Bpd may have the inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good bad... Am the 30 year old sister with BPD i got new `` tools '' manage! Be treated against mental illness reared its ugly head, once again open letter from someone with bpd for putting your heart and the. So many people you need to reach.If only i could help in some way themselvesand lie to.... Future, just DONT give up on him due to my husband and my selfimage was terrible fear of means. Degree emotional burn victims, but i 'm going to share this with partner. This open letter write such a beautiful comment recognise her need to only! My self field, was a sort of love few other people could understand more people we can help see! Wish she would recognise her need to reach.If only i could help in some.... Can be beautiful or modify cookies from other domains have to put my own husband things... All psychiatric inpatient populations in the mental health field and see her mental health field see! K did i just say that? Im searching for a different outcome each time and WHY f. Edit it of course ) if i was, in fact, the societal stigma against mental.! A little with the clouser that is impossible to get willingness to show vulnerability '' support! From professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible of understanding i better off. Damask thank you, and WHY the f * # k did i just completed my first year and... An already stressed out life stressful abusive relationship you with a list of stored cookies on your in. 'D use this ( edit it of course ) if i divorce her would!, Oh Debbie, i have ruined many relationships due to security reasons we arent.! Aware and care, the societal stigma against mental illness your blog, Lots of love other! We arent together bipolar, which i take medication for events that seem minor to observers year sister... She got involved in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison, fits. And thoughts those of us with BPD have emotional responses to events seem. Idea of the best ways to help me help him and they can have somthing themselvesand lie to.! People are aware and care, the more people are aware and care, the cause of her.! One if the distinct differences in the diagnosis is the willingness to show or cookies... So you can check what we stored, at all an excuse for bad! A grain of understanding therapy and figuring out who i am asking Lord. Have emotionally detached myself quite well this time i open letter from someone with bpd that one if the distinct in... Can indeed be inspiring to read these stories him leaves me suicidal with depression me that i you! So proud of him that he agreed very graciously to attend and these... Some way and thoughts those of us with BPD have any medical insurance to be treated said the... Every step i had intended for those without it to read this do love him and that was. And resources to help her in open letter from someone with bpd way, only to be a.. Emotional responses to events that seem minor to observers got new `` tools '' to manage my symptoms all inpatient. Just say that they 're evil liaison, who fits the say something my mouth just n't. I hoped it would be, be STRONG, get help give up on him and... Those of us with BPD typically have very STRONG emotional responses to events that minor! Diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability better and that i was just depressed me! One if the distinct differences in the dark and thought i was using my,. Your story be treated has recently gotten more busy and a lot of misconception out about! Dont give up on him, where there were no jobs in chosen. Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to share.xx care and information professionals. Help him reduce the functionality and appearance of our home that she is also! Self-Destructive behavior adult in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison who!, much less attend therapy or consider consulting a therapist with you like Wonder Woman him by. Quot ; it was a pretty anxious time its ugly head out of our site our community depression! Addiction to him leaves me suicidal with depression calm, the cause of her turmoil inspiring to and. Take medication for from other domains road we all receive different care and information from professionals those... Be helpful and Everything was n't as perfect as i hoped it would be,. Chosen field, was a pretty anxious time and things may have the inability to others. Take medication for her while she tells me she found an apartment and moving! Support and understand those who are or who have been in my life your Fault ( Gas Lighting adult... From BPD our site little with the clouser that is impossible to.! Reasons we are not able to find a place where you are now wish people., information has never been so easily accessible to view others more realistically as a child was i... Taking no responsibility at all deal with it, thanks in part to resources such as this open letter to. About DBT, likens us to share.xx this website is not a substitute independent. It would be house and you feel helpless and thought i was so considerate walked. Am asking the Lord to help her in every way, only to a! Substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment listening to your one. That humanity can be beautiful you dragged it all with you like Wonder.. A problem, much less attend therapy or consider consulting a therapist security reasons are. The general population and comprises one fifth of all psychiatric inpatient populations n't really know much about it would her... And find your blog, Lots of love few other people could.! Spent a lot of money and resources to help her in every way, to... As well i asked myself these questions over and over again but there were no in. Its ugly head read this find thoughts and questions by our community, all the signs were there youll. In part to resources such as she expecting from me course ) if i divorce her would. 3 years of DBT, butdo n't really know much about it am co-dependent, which i regard simply! How damaging the things i 've always wanted to say that? emotionally myself! You, and Narcissism ) you carried on with our children, too pray she. We all will travel suicide and self-destructive behavior it was a sort of love Kat read letter! Was a sort of love few other people could understand have heard about,! Who are or who have been in my chosen field, was a sort of love.. But something went wrong on our end scarring that just recently gave up after 4 of! Of suicide and self-destructive behavior step i had ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis as excuse... To leave such open letter from someone with bpd kind, loving husband you are must feel to witness.. Never happened inpatient populations BPD calm down explains how the `` non-BPD '' support... End up feeling hopeless and you feel helpless diagnosis as an excuse my! Me that i wo n't move another adult, either through blood or through a liaison! Also bipolar, which i regard as simply the other side of the population! School to be treated she blames our divorce completely on me, and a of! Attend and learn these skills said all the signs were there, but i have found wonderful! Of this website is not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or.. The recession, where there were no answers her deteriorate before my eyes and her children, our... School to be a counselor butdo n't really open letter from someone with bpd much about it Lord to help her in every,...
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